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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349117">eighteen hundred</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/losertrey/pseuds/losertrey'>losertrey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Cancer, Character Death, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, POV Tsukishima Kei, Soft Tsukishima Kei, TsukiHina Week</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:33:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/losertrey/pseuds/losertrey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>terminal/noun</p><p>- causing or ending in or approaching death. </p><p>× tsukkihina ×</p><p>- t/w: character death and mentions of c*ncer -</p><p>× lowercase ×</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>eighteen hundred</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>light seeped through the blinds, shinning on you as you grinned brightly. you had collapsed during practice earlier.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"ahhh, kageyama will be so mad at me." you whined, sighing loudly. i sat with you, listening to you ramble.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>we were waiting for your mom to relay what was wrong with you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you were oblivious to the doctor relaying the news to your weeping mother through the small window on the door.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your mother came in the room, your little sister in tow. "kei!" natsu yelled, running up to me. "natsu." i said, picking her up and sitting her on my lap.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your mother took a seat in the vacant chair that sat on your other side. "shouyo." she began, sniffling. it was clear that she had been crying.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"yes?" you asked, your bright sun baked smile blinding us. "i'll go buy us some drinks." your mother said, abandoning her earlier thought.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"natsu, let's go." she said, grabbing natsu by her hand and walking out with her.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your bright grin faltered to a small smile. "i'm <em>dying</em>, aren't i?" you asked, turning your gaze away from me. you looked peaceful, your face was relaxed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>it seemed as though you had made peace with the yet to be confirmed fact that you were <em>dying</em>. "sho, you cannot just conclude that. let's wait for your mom." i suggested, stopping the urge to take your skinny hand in mine.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"you saw her, didn't you?" you asked, a smile present on your lips. "it's something serious, isn't it?" you asked, giggling softly. "man, kageyama really is going to kill me."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>a nurse entered your hospital room, i had to go home as they were going to run more tests to be sure of whatever it was that was eating at you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i had bid you farewell, promising to let the team know that you were staying overnight at the hospital.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the next day had come and after school, i had abandoned practice to come see you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"my, my, my, tsukishima-kun. would be that you really care for me?" you joked, laughing tiredly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>we had unexpectedly grown closer over the course of our first year. one could even be under the impression that we were more than <em>friends.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>"shut up." i grumbled, the faintest shade of crimson blush staining my porcelain cheeks. "i'm going to stay here for another week. monitoring and tests. you know? that sort of thing." you said, moving from the bed to the hospital window.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you stretched your skinny limbs. "kageyama will really kill me now." you said, turning to face me. a bright grin sat on your face, my heart skipped a beat.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i tore my eyes from you, retrieving what i bought you from my school bag. "you must really care for me." you begun, skipping up to me. "you came in your school uniform." you pointed out, fixing my shirt collar.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"here." i said, giving you my laptop. "your laptop?" you had questioned, your eyes wide and head tilted with curiosity. "there's school work in there, movies and volleyball matches." i said, shrugging briefly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"kei!" you yelled, throwing your arms around me. your warmth filled me, i didn't want to break away from this embrace.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>soon you moved from me, going back to the bed. "hey, kei?" you asked, cutely. "mmh?" i hummed in response, retrieving more things.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"can you come visit me everyday 'till i get out?" you asked shyly, a bright crimson blush staining your cheeks.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>my voice caught in my throat as i stared at you. your crimson blush stained face was facing away from me, your gaze set softly through the window.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>my heart was racing, i swore you could hear if you tried. "y-yes." i stammered, staring at your lips as they curved into a shy smile.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>as you had requested, i came by everyday. i abandoned practice, much to the team's dismay. they understood that it could be something serious, hence them letting me off so easily.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>they had a vague idea of how close we were with each other. "kei." you beamed when i entered the room. "i thought you weren't coming today." you said, with a bright smile.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your being so happy to see me sped my heart. "i bought what you asked for." i said, handing you one of my hoodies and the dinosaur plushie you always whined for whenever you visited my home.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"<em>dying</em> has it's benefits." you said, slipping on the large hoodie and snuggling into the hoodie.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>nothing had been confirmed still. i guess you felt it in your bones that you were at <em>death's</em> door.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"tomorrow's the fifth day, the doctor said he'll give my mom the results." you said as you made space in your bed. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>my face heated up as i took off my shoes before getting in bed with you. the hospital bed was small, it gave me a chance to feel your warmth.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"you're coming tomorrow too, right?" you asked hopefully, your head was laying against my chest.</p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>"i like listening to your heart beat." </em>you had said.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"yes." i confirmed earning a tired nod from you. you looked more and more tired as days went by.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"why don't you nap for a bit?" i asked, wrapping my arms around you. you nodded lazily, weakly clutching the dinosaur plushie.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you always felt bad for napping while i was visiting you. <em>"you walk long distances just to look at me sleeping." </em>you had whined, with a cute pout.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your soft peaceful breaths put me at ease. your sleeping face was one of my favorite sights.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you were discharged the following day. you had brain tumor. it was dormant with no way of telling when it was going to set off.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"see, i told you i was <em>dying</em>." you said, giggling softly as you jumped on my back.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your taking off this situation lightly was what got us through it, i'd like to admit.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"why do you always insist on jumping on me?" i asked, to which you ignored and kept hanging on me.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"it sucks that i have to leave volleyball 'cause it might set the tumor off." you said, sighing sadly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"you know, if you want i can quit volleyball too." i suggested, taking a hold of your legs before leading us to your home.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"don't be ridiculous, kei. you have to play volleyball for the both of us." you argued, sure of yourself. i shook my head, chuckling softly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>tearful hugs were exchanged as you told the team about your brain tumor and your leaving the team.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you didn't spend a lot time at school as you had frequent headaches. you were allowed to leave early and more often than not, i'd spend my lunches video calling you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>some video calls were spent with me gazing at your sleeping face as you <em>couldn't sleep without knowing i was there.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>after practice, i would rush over to your home to make sure that you were doing well and to give you your homework.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"kei!" you beamed, opening the door. you looked tired and weak. you seemed to have lost weight. "you're finally here. i was dying from boredom." you said, with a grin as you let me in the house.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"for a change, i was dying from something other than <em>cancer</em>." you joked, laughing as you jumped on my back.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"stop jumping on me." i grumbled, greeting your tearful mother and natsu before making my way to your room with you on my back still.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"the doctor said there's a possibility that my vision will fade. i'll be four eyes like you." you said, laughing cheerfully. it was hard to believe that you were <em>dying</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i missed you, kei." you said as you let go of me and made your way to your bed. "here's your homework." i said, placing it on the table. you pouted cutely, my heart skipping a beat as it seemed to be doing more often than not around you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"kei, i'm <em>dying</em> and as a <em>dying</em> person, i have one request. can you do it for me?" you said, fake coughing. "your <em>tumor</em> is still dormant, sho. do your homework." i said, shaking my head.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you sighed, pouting in defeat. "fine. at least watch me do it?" i sighed in defeat, agreeing to yet another one of your peculiar requests.</p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>"your soft gaze is relaxing. knowing that you're here and watching over me puts me at ease." </em>you had explained.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the time you spent at school was cut from half a day to being able to attend a maximum of two classes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your headaches came with vomiting and bad vision. you found yourself needing to nap and rest more often.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"just let me quit volleyball, sho." i said, i had come to your house right after school had ended, completely ditching practice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>we were laying on your bed, half of your body was resting on mine. "no, you need to play volleyball for both of us." you sighed in defeat. "please?" you added, looking up to me as best as you could.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>your stubbornness was one thing i both adored and despised about you. "fine." i huffed. "i spoil you too much." i said, earning a bright grin from you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>video calls during lunch weren't the same as when you were there. during practice i couldn't wait to get out and go to your home.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>our teammates teased me about wanting to spend all my time with you, comparing me to a school girl who was chasing after her senpai.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"how was practice?" you asked, hugging me, too weak to jump on me. i carried you, wrapping your legs around my waist before leading us to your room.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i was sleeping over for the weekend, your brokenhearted mother going to care for your grandmother, natsu having gone with her.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"tiring. i missed you." i said, blushing as i sat you down. "i missed you too." you said, clinging on me as i got in bed with you. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>you grabbed your phone, playing slow relaxing music. "hey, kei?" you asked, i hummed in response. "let's dance." you said, getting out of bed before weakly helping me out as well.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"do you have a headache?" i asked, snaking my arm around your waist. my other hand intertwined with yours.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"no." you replied, your voice tired and slow. your hand rested on my shoulder as our bodies gently swayed to the song.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i wished time would freeze and we would continue dancing under the soft hue light of your bedroom bulb to the song whose name i didn't know.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>my breath huffed as i burst in the hospital room. "shoyou." i gasped out, rushing to your side. i had gotten a call from your mother.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you had a seizure and had to be admitted to the hospital. your <em>tumor</em> had set off and was beginning to spread at alarming rates.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"kei!" you beamed, a bright grin on your face. "i'm <em>dying</em>." you said, as though it was not a big deal.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i recall asking myself if you really were an <em>idiot</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"sho." i said, flopping down on the chair besides your bed. "i have to move to the hospital for treatment." you begun, your head turned to the window.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"with the speed the tumor is spreading at, i'll probably <em>die</em> at the end of the year." you said with a nonchalant shrug.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you really had made <em>peace</em> with <em>dying</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i'm quitting volleyball and i'll visit you everyday." i said, my tone letting you know that i was not putting it up for debate.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>indeed, i had done just as i said. i quit volleyball and ran straight to the hospital as soon as school was done. we spent long periods of time talking about everything and anything.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>we talked about all things we would do when your <em>cancer</em> went into remission.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>take a walk at night with our hands intertwined as i showed you the constellations i knew of.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>eat ice cream together because <em>hospital food tastes gross.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>go to a cafe and drink hot chocolate together.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you lacked belief in the possibility of your <em>cancer</em> going to remission but amused me with the conversation of what we would do if it did anyways.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>on weekends, i would visit you early in the morning and hold your hand as you underwent <em>chemotherapy</em>, telling you about dinosaur facts.</p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>"i like listening to you talk about dinosaurs. i think it's cute." </em>you had said, your grin as bright as ever.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>after <em>chemotherapy</em>, we would wander around the hospital, holding hands while you told me about the kind nurse who remind you of me.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>saturday nights were spent with me sleeping in the uncomfortable chair holding your hand.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i longed to feel your warmth, to feel your body against mine as soft breaths escaped your slightly parted soft lips.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"kei?" you asked, toying with my hand. it was a saturday, we were awaiting for your <em>chemotherapy</em> treatment to conclude for the day.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"yes?" i asked, fixing my glasses. "did you bring it?" you asked, your eyes wide with hope and longing. "yes." you had asked me to bring you yet another one of my hoodies, only this time, you requested that it would smell like me.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i carried you to your hospital room, softly putting you in the bed. "here." i said, handing you the hoodie.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you slipped it on, snuggling in it and inhaling my scent. my breath caught in my throat, a crimson blush stained your cheeks.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"thank you, kei." you uttered, a shy smile sat on your face. i swallowed hard and nodded my head slowly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>my heart was racing, my body as though it was on fire. i gazed at you, light seeping through the blinds as it had done the first day. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>the soft breeze pushed back your hair, your skin was golden and your eyes sparkled as you gazed away from me.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i remember thinking that you were an actual <em>angel.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>i stopped myself from reaching out and capturing your soft lips in a kiss.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>it felt as though decades passed as i stared at you. you tore your gaze away from the window, meeting my gaze.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you grinned brightly, looking more <em>angelic.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>i knew it then, i'm <em>in love</em> with you.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>night soon came, you were oddly quiet. your eyes carried a <em>blue</em> look. "sho, are you okay?" i asked, we were holding hands.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>soft music was playing from your phone. "i'm <em>scared</em>, kei." you replied, your voice shaky and unsure.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i don't wanna <em>d-die</em>." you said, tears leaking from your eyes and landing softly on our intertwined hands.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i don't w-wanna <em>die</em>, kei." you sobbed painful. i moved from the chair and got in bed with you. "sho, you aren't going to <em>die</em>." i whispered softly in your ear.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i don't w-wanna <em>leave</em> you." you said, clinging on to me and sobbing painfully against my chest.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"your <em>cancer</em> with go into remission and we'll do all the things we said we'll do." i reassured you, rubbing circles on your back.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i'm here and i'll always be here." your sobs calmed, you kept clinging onto me as though letting me go would send you to your <em>deathbed</em>.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"hey, sho? let's dance." we got out bed, turning the light off. we went by the window, the light from the stars and moon illuminated our bodies as we swayed to the soft music.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i gazed at you, you looked up meeting my gaze. we gazed into each other's eyes, the soft music seeming to fade away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>time moved slowly as i leaned in, searching for a reason to stop. finding none, i captured your lips in a soft kiss.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sparks spread throughout my body as our tongues and lips moved in sync with each other's as we kissed each other passionately.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>our kissed poured all the emotions mere words called express. <em>'i love you.' </em>was simply not enough, ours was bigger than that.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i pulled you closer, afraid to let go. i needed to feel more, more and <em>more.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>outside, a firework display begun. the sky lit up as we shared our soft kiss.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>that night we fell asleep with soft smile on our faces with our hands intertwined.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>morning came, the nurse shook me awake, ordering me to leave the room. <em>"go rest home, we'll call your boyfriend's mother if anything changes and she'll relay the message." </em>the nurse had said.</p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>"he's not my boyfriend." </em>i wanted to say, my face heating as i recalled the kiss we shared.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i wanted nothing more than to do it again, again and again. i longed to feel your soft lips against mine once more.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i nodded unsurely, taking my leave. back at my home, i paced in my room. my stomach churned in anxiety. i couldn't help but think something had happened.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i remember the house phone rung a few minutes past eighteen hundred, akiteru had yelled for me.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i took off running, grabbing the phone. "kei, speaking." i answered, my heart racing in distress.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"kei, i'm so sorry." your mother begun, her voice think and heavy with tears. i let go off the phone and took off running in my house slippers.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i arrived at the hospital, your mother was sat on the floor outside your room, weeping sadly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i made my way to her, sitting next to her and wrapping my arms around her.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you lost consciousness in middle of the night. you were pronounced <em>dead</em> at eighteen hundred.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the sound of my shattering heart echoed through the hospital hall. i felt numb, my <em>love </em>left me.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>you looked peaceful, the doctor had told us. it seemed as though my presence brought you <em>peace</em> and no regrets.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the day of your funeral was a sunny bright day, just as you were a sunny bright person.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i don't recall much from that day. i remember gazing at your picture with natsu in my arms. your weeping mother was besides me, sobbing painfully.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i went back to volleyball, sho." i said, placing the offering on your grave. your mother packed up and moved away, natsu moving away with her.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>i figured your death was too much to handle.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i'm playing volleyball for the both of us." tears leaked from my eyes as i smiled softly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i play for an international team now. i know you're with me with every block, serve and spike i make." the soft breeze blew my hair, you were listening to me.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"i love you, sho."</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
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